I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
