No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
