I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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