girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
