i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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