Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
