i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
