This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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