I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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