I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
