It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
