Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
