I think my fart just growled at me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
