dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
