He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
