you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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