Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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