I want you more than these girls want KFC
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
