Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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