So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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