So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
