Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
