Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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