direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am midnight drunk by noon
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
