I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
