my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
