Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
