you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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