New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
