That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
