I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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