I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
