I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
