omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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