Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
