i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
