the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
