Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just had sex bonerless
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
