i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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