Dude my mom stole all your condoms
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
