Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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