so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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