I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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