Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
