on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
