I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
