Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
