im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
