if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
