Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
