dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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