Where is the hickey?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
